Problems

Saying something and doing something's all fine, but if you don't say what you do, then what exactly ARE you doing?

I want to know that if something bad happened, someone somewhere would start worrying. I want someone to congratulate me when I do something good, like having some really big performance in front of a lot of people. I want someone to say "there, there" when I'm feeling down. I need someone who cares.

But as long as I prevent people from really knowing me, how could they possibly get any closer? Although I've changed a bit from the depressing piece of shit I was last year--I talk more now--I'm still silent and blank and apathetic. And then there're the moments when I'm completely different and positive, happy, and not something invisible.

Noone thinks anything's wrong with me--heck it's a lie, people know, but they don't REALLY know.

I want them to know and I want them to care, but nothing's ever gonna happen if I never move. And as long as they don't want to know--and I know they don't--then I see absolutely no point in trying to pretend they care.

If someone makes a move, then I'm willing. But as long as that doesn't happen, I'm never happening.

I think this is what you call a stalemate.