Good God

This blog is such a terrible amount of "oh my god what was wrong with me please shut up I am going to shoot you." I highly doubt anyone actually checks blogger anymore, but this is basically the worst thing. Perhaps one day I'll come back out of some desire to blog about my life, but I don't revel in the events that happen (cue some sassy "I MAKE them happen" somewhere for cliche's sake and/or a really painful laugh). Everything that is shitty is a thing of the past. 

Praise the lord, Allah, and may at least seven body parts of one and just one jew implode, its juices being mixed into a smoothie for those in need in Lebanon.

Hrm.

I'll start using this so that people who follow me on tumblr aren't aware of my ongoing crises playing out in my head when they do, because that's really what I only do. Even if tumblr's where you can just do whatever you want and it's what you want it to be, it's fun for most people. I don't people to be like, UGH, why does this guy bitch so much? So yeah. No more.

I'm having problems with my best friends. I'm avoiding them. I shouldn't, but I am. And the reason I am is because I feel like they're getting tired of me. I feel like we're deteriorating, slowly falling apart. This is me over-thinking things, but I don't want to be that person who always bitches to them, because they put up with a lot of it. It's better if I don't, but if I don't, I either bitch to another person who'll eventually get tired of me too or use this. But if I use this, absolutely no one will here me and although it's better that way, there's still that desire to have someone hear you out. It's stupid. I just feel like I'm dying out with them. Perhaps if I don't spend enough time without them, everything'll be better and I'll be able to hang out with them normally, like we used to.

I just, don't wanna feel like a burden to them.

Gravity

Held down.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to feel any pain at all, but in order to do that, I'd have to sacrifice my happiness as well. The people who never make mistakes, or feel any loss, are the ones who don't do a thing.

I don't want to have to worry about someone and I don't want to have that someone worry about me.

The easiest thing to is to just ignore people's existence, but it's only easy if you haven't dealt with them.

Speculation

I like thinking about people and wondering how they are. I like wondering what kind of person they are, what's happened to them--of course, I'm not good at it yet, but it's fine to try. The best place to start off with is friends.

I swear, when you're someone overanalytical like me, you tend to look at your friends and make generalizations about them. Not like I'm typecasting them or anything, I just guess at what's eating them. So far, I've been right.

I should be a shrink. I'd be really sadistic though. I'd make fun of my own patients, but I think I'm a pretty blunt person, and honesty's the best policy right?

I don't think I ever wanna be a children's doctor. I'd hurt too many a child's feelings.

It's all good

Content tonight, so no bitching.

(Let's hope this lasts.)

Overkill

It's a song, look it up.

Everytime I try to do homework late night, I never actually do it and end up procrastinating and doing something like...I dunno, playing vegas solitaire until you win?

And while I play, I usually think. And while I usually think, I start to worry. And when I start to worry, I get depressed. Well, maybe not depressed, more like a little to pessimistic.

Somehow I feel like I don't want school to end so soon. I don't want to go to college anymore if I'm just gonna be all alone. I don't want to get mature. I don't want to major in anything. I don't want a job. I don't want to go grow up.

I hate facing problems. I either let other people solve them for me, or simply escape them. But if I never tell anyone about them, how can I ever expect them to do a thing?

I'm a liar who'd rather keep other people satisfied than give himself the dignity of self-satisfaction.

Always labelling myself and giving myself fancy names, but I don't think it's ever true.

Lovely.

I'm feeling quite lonely.

Videogames won't do me much good. I'm not in the best mood to talk either. I don't want to bother anyone.